On several occasions recently Jackson has woken upverygrumpy from his afternoon nap. I don’t know if it is the dreadful one year molars making their way in, or if he is just groggy and tired, but it has been…trying, at best. Couple this with his new-found love of being awake from 2-5AM each morning, and you can just call me weary. A few days ago he was inconsolable after his afternoon nap. He didn’t want to be put down, didn’t want to be held, and he especially did NOT want me to hold him while sitting down, rocking, etc. He has always been what you would call an “easy baby.” He is generally thrilled to go with the flow, as long as he has the freedom to explore his surroundings. Kid loves to learn – always has. So, with this new hatred for waking up from his afternoon nap, I have been at a loss for what to do. The day I speak of was particularly rough. I found myself getting so very frustrated. My inner self was repeating,’what the hell does he want from me? nothing is making him happy. how can i get him to just stop already? redirecting is. not. working.’From the time that he was tiny, I have been acutely aware of my own emotions. How does my frustration make him feel? Can he feel it when I am happy? Does he seem to gain more negative energy as my patience is thinning? I think yes. Knowing this, I realized I needed to just pump the brakes already.
I took a few deep breaths, counted to ten a hundred times (exaggeration), and felt my body relax. I sat in the recliner and started rocking my grumpy, whiny, crying toddler. Then, for whatever reason, I decided to torture him with my horrible singing voice. I sang a few of his favorite songs, “My Name is Jackson,” the I love you song from Barney, being his top two. I immediately felthistiny body start to relax. He let go of his grumpy and his frustration, and all because he was enchanted by my off-key singing.(Disclaimer: In reality, he was probably just trying to find a way to tune me out, but when he is in a mood like that, I take what I can get).
He laid on my lap, and I sang the same songs again and again, and we were happy. In a moment reserved for mama and baby. My attention was focused only on him, and we were both present. He wanted attention from his mama. He didn’t want to play alone, and I got to thinking about just how special a tiny moment can be. These seemingly small moments are the ones I will come to reflect on and treasure as he grows. I fondly look back on his newborn days, and the moments I remember most vividly are the smallest. Just finished nursing, drifting off with a tiny smile on his milk-covered face; a jibberish conversation while lounging around in the morning.
He is the most ever-present reminder to be present in the moment. If he feels that he needs a buddy to play with, or a song to calm his frustration, I am there. It really is the smallest, most unintended memories that come to be the mos prominent, and I know that this moment we shared in song and snuggles will be no different. Each day this tiny person gives me renewed purpose, and I don’t intent to miss out on any of these small moments, they really do reap the biggest rewards. I am a mother. I am here for him. He is my purpose. These small moments equal the greatest moments of my existence.
(Taken with 
babylately.wordpress.com 