I should NOT be allowed in craft stores…I spend hundreds.

TMI…literally.

Sometimes I hate the internet. Really I have a love/hate relationship with the internet. I like how simple it makes things, such as locating a business’s telephone number or address, getting great ideas for things like baby showers or nurseries, how easy it is to buy something without even leaving my couch, and of course, blogs – one thing I am quite sure that I am addicted to (really, I think I am actually addicted to reading about other peoples’ lives. lame?).  

But then there is the hate side. I hatteee how my curiosity peaks on a given topic, usually health related, and then I get to freak about how it will absolutely, without a doubt, positively end in severe illness, or worse – death. I always hear of doctors disliking the internet due to patients self diagnosing. I am always searching the net to see if something is normal, a home remedy for x condition, etc. I make it a point, when it is myself, to not self-diagnose, and try to remember that all you will get on the internet are the best case and worst case scenarios. The average will be fleeting; sort of like reviews on sellers or products – the only people passionate enough to review are those who have had a terrible or really outstanding experience. 

Then I had a baby.

While I get a plethora of information (daily – multiple times) from the internet about how to best take care of his (& my) needs, there are some sites I just should not be allowed to visit. Case in point: I was reading an article this evening that mentioned SIDS. This led me to do more research on SIDS. (I already deal with anxiety on a regular basis. I have for a long, long time, and SIDS is one issue I have been having some serious angst about since giving birth). worst. idea. ever. I should have never typed those four words into my search engine. I mean…I didn’t really need to know that Jackson is smack in the middle of the age range where SIDS strikes most frequently. I also didn’t need to know that the risk will last for an ENTIRE YEAR. I could have been happy knowing that he is supposed to sleep on his back, and that pacifiers supposedly reduce the risk, and not to give him a blanket at this age, or pillow, etc. But NO, I had to read. Now I am deathly afraid that he is going to suffocate, or that I will fall asleep while nursing and cover his nose just enough to smother him. This is the reason I now cannot sleep. I have spent the past hours since he went to bed staring at the monitor for signs of breathing and movement. When I feared there wasn’t enough movement, I went in and checked on him at the risk of waking him up. 

I have officially gone off the reservation, people!

So, now because of my googling, I sit here awake, anxious, and dare I say petrified? While the internet has been an amazing source for breastfeeding and other general topics (not topics that deal with infant mortality), maybe now I will learn my lesson and start searching for more dinner recipes and DIY projects instead of scary health and human conditions. I am now going to lay in bed (most likely for hours) and stare at the monitor, while repeating positive affirmations. I am doing everything right when it comes to his sleeping situation. His needs are all met. This situation is well beyond my control at this point…

guhhhhhh.

Sometimes we hang out in the car together.

He looks so grown up!

Clogged duct…OUCH!

Jackson’s First Trip!

Over the weekend, we took a trip to the North Carolina coastline for our dear friends’ wedding.  It was the first time Jackson was going to be in the car for more than an hour,so I was pretty nervous about how he would handle it. The OBX are about 5 hours from the DC-Metro area. I am pleased to say that he was a trooper! He slept the entire time on the way there…and back. We got really lucky. Not only was he an angel for the entire car ride. He was an angel for the entire weekend.

The wedding was one of the most beautiful I have ever been to. It was on the beach, and the reception was on the pier at the Hilton Kittyhawk.

The building was stunning with all exposed beams, and the bride, Jackie, had great taste. She thought of every detail and the beach theme was perfect throughout. Here are a couple of my favorite photos from the ceremony:

The reception was awesome too!

One of our friends, Megan made the cake. It was AWESOME. Those are HAND MADE coral people!!! She also made a groom’s cake for Steven (it was a surprise from Jackie), that was also AHHHHHMAZING:

Jackson fell asleep. In front of the DJ speaker!

But not before he got some mommy love:

& a family photo:

On a final note, the day of the wedding, there was a school of dolphins swimming along the coast (not one, but a SCHOOL), I managed to snap some pictures from the hotel balcony:

There are three in that photo, but there were seriously, at least a dozen!

I wish many happy years to come for the Bride & Groom!

Happy Fathers Day to the best Daddy.

Naptime.

My sweet boy,

You are two months old today. It has been a day full of fun as we traveled from our house to the Outerbanks, a really awesome collection of beaches in North Carolina, for our dear friends’ wedding. On the way, we stopped by my old college, CNU. While you were a dream to travel with (you slept the entire time, my love), you were not happy to be on campus. Your daddy said it is because you ‘didn’t want to go to school today.’ Funny guy. This last month has absolutely flown by. You now weigh over 16 pounds! That is 4 pounds gained since this day last month! Everyone that sees you comments on how cute & chunky you are. I always respond ‘well, he certainly doesn’t miss a meal!’ You have become so much more interactive these days. You love to watch TV, stare at your dad’s baseball hat, lights, and you have recently discovered your hands. You are always moving and playing with them, and I laugh because half of the time I can’t even see your face as you block it with those pesky hands! You have begun sucking your thumb, which is adorable, but we are kind of hoping it doesn’t become a habit ;). My personal favorite thing about you is the new emotions you have! There is an amazing juxtaposition between your happiness and sadness and anger. You get frustrated when you are tired. You fight sleep every. single. day. You seem to be aware that a lot is going on, and are a bit scared that you might miss something. When you cry, you now cry with tears, which is just heartbreaking to see on your tiny little face. But for each of those tears there are about a million smiles. These, my boy, are the best! You seem to find me to be the funniest person in the world, which does wonders for my ego. You will have the biggest smiles when I kiss your face. It makes me melt inside each and every time. You also like to stick your tongue out when you smile now, which I also love. You do still smile in your sleep (and also cry out in sadness), but these interactive smiles are so much better, if you ask me.  You also still have the lower lip/chin quiver that I love so much.  There are so many moments with you where I want to freeze time and bask in your glory till the ends of the earth. I say it all the time, but I am SO lucky that you are all ours. You, sweet boy, really do make my world go ‘round.

All my love,

Mama.

Go Captains!